Mental health AND psychological counseling

Many people confuse the binding relationship between the two, always thinking that "psychological counseling = mental health = illness", the fact is exactly the opposite - mental health is a normal life condition that fluctuates dynamically for everyone. Psychological counseling is neither a "exclusive treatment method for mental illness" nor a chicken soup for the soul that can cure all diseases. It is just one of the optional tools for ordinary people to maintain and adjust their own mental state. There is no inevitable causal link between the two, and there is no judgment of superiority or inferiority.

I didn’t make this up while sitting in the consultation room. It was the most intuitive feeling I got from Aunt Zhang, whom I met at the community service station last month. She initially accompanied her daughter, who was diagnosed with moderate depression, to the consultation. She sat in the waiting area knitting sweaters every time. After sitting there three times, she took the initiative to grab me and coaxed me for a long time and said, "Girl, I can't find the energy to dance square dance recently. I always feel that my old man and my girl don't take me seriously. Can I also talk to you?" ”. I later chatted with her four times. In fact, there was no big problem at all. It was just that she had a minor surgery half a year ago. She was always afraid that she would become a burden to her family, and she was too embarrassed to tell her family. Her emotions were blocked in her heart and she couldn't express them. Now she has become a science popularization volunteer at our station. Last week, she invited a dozen old sisters from the community to participate in a mindfulness experience class. When she meets people, she says, "Don't think this is a place for people with mental illness. Just think of it as talking to someone who knows something. It is much better than just wondering at home."

Of course, some people say that those are just people who are not sick and are just joining in the fun. If there is really a problem, is psychological counseling useful? In fact, there is no unified standard answer to this matter in the industry, and consultants with different approaches have very different approaches. I once received a girl who had just lost her love and cried until she couldn't breathe. When a colleague of mine who does psychoanalysis encountered this situation, he would probably accompany her to dig slowly to see if the feeling of abandonment in childhood was triggered by the current event. ； If she were to change to a counselor who does cognitive behavioral adjustment, she might first make a list for her, write down her daily thoughts of "I am just unloved", and break them down one by one to make it clear which ones are true and which ones are emotionally amplified. ； If the counselor is humanistic, he might sit next to her and hand her tissues, crying with her for half an hour without saying a word. There is no right or wrong in these methods. It all depends on the visitor which one he prefers. Don't listen to anyone who claims that "a certain school is the most effective". If you really encounter someone who boasts it to the extreme, just turn around and walk away.

Oh, by the way, I also met a college student who banged the table when he first came here. The first thing he said when he walked in was "Can you help me stop hating my roommate tomorrow?" I want to take the postgraduate entrance examination and really don’t want to be influenced by him.” I didn't answer directly at the time, but handed him a glass of iced Coke and said, "If you sprain your foot and go to an orthopedic surgeon, you can't possibly run a marathon the next day after taking the film, right?" ”. Many people have great expectations for psychological counseling. They think that one consultation can solve the problems that have been accumulated for three to five years. Some people think that after the consultation, they will never have troubles again - how is this possible? Mental health is not about "always happy and free of negative emotions". Just like if you work out every day, you will inevitably catch a cold and fever. When encountering things like job loss, breakup, or death of a loved one, you may feel emotive for three to five days. Insomnia and inability to eat are normal reactions. As long as this state does not last more than two weeks and does not affect normal work and life, there is no need to label yourself as "mentally ill." If you really can't get over it, talk to a counselor. It's essentially the same as going to the gym to find a personal trainer to correct your movements, or going to the barber shop to ask Tony for a haircut that makes your face smaller. They are just spending money to buy professional services to solve minor problems that you can't solve on your own.

To be honest, psychological counseling is not a panacea. If you have been diagnosed with severe mental illness such as severe depression or bipolar disorder, don't stop taking medication without believing that "a heart disease requires a medical doctor". The first priority is to follow the doctor's instructions and take medication to control symptoms. Psychological consultation can only be provided with the permission of the doctor to help you adjust your cognition and reduce the risk of recurrence. If your current troubles are mainly due to the practical problems of hundreds of thousands of foreign debts and your boss not giving you a salary increase every day, don't expect consultants to help you settle your debts or fire your boss. We don't have that ability. At most, we can help you figure out which path you most want to take at the moment, and give you some energy to move forward.

Some people also complain that formal consultation fees are expensive, ranging from hundreds to thousands an hour, and ordinary working-class people cannot afford it. To be honest, regular counselors spend tens of thousands of yuan every year for personal experience, supervision, and training. The cost is indeed not low, but there are affordable or even free channels: psychological counseling centers in colleges and universities are free for students, most psychological service stations in the community have public welfare counseling places, and many formal institutions will also provide low-cost internship consulting places to novice counselors. As long as you are willing to look for it, there is no such thing as "only rich people can do counseling".

I have been doing this for almost 6 years, and what impressed me most was not the case of "complete cure". It was a girl who finished the consultation last year. When she came for the last time, she brought me a pack of cookies she baked and said, "I used to think that I had to be perfect to live. Now I feel that even if I occasionally fish, occasionally quarrel with my mother, and occasionally eat junk food and gain a few pounds, it's still pretty good." Yesterday, I met Aunt Zhang again at the convenience store downstairs. She was carrying a bag of freshly bought vegetables and said that she would take her old sisters to the botanical garden for a spring outing this week. The wind blew her white hair, and her eyes narrowed into slits when she smiled. Look, how can anyone be absolutely "healthy"? Everyone will be emotionally stuck, and if they are willing to reach out and give themselves a hand, whether it is to complain to a friend, talk to a counselor, or go for a five-kilometer run to break a sweat, it is all right and good.