emotion dysregulation disorder

The essence of emotion dysregulation disorder is a psychological dysfunction in which an individual is unable to adjust the intensity, duration, and expression of emotions according to the situation and their own needs. It is neither a "poor temper" or a "glass heart" as the public calls it, nor is it completely equivalent to diagnosed mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. It is a psychological distress that is currently poorly understood by the domestic public, but is common.

I have been working as a community psychological service provider for five years and have met no less than a hundred people with this kind of problem. When more than 80% of them came for the first time, their first words were "Do I have a bad personality?" Xiaonan, a sophomore girl who came last month, is a typical example. Her deskmate accidentally knocked off the limited-edition pen she just bought. She squatted in the corridor and cried for almost 40 minutes. The teacher couldn't stop her. The first words her parents said were, "Can you control yourself? It doesn't matter how big it is." Xiaonan told me afterwards that she knew at the time that there was nothing to cry about, but the grievance was stuck in her throat, and she couldn't swallow it or spit it out. Her mind went blank and she couldn't listen to what others were saying.

Don't underestimate this "uncontrollability", it penetrates into your life much more than you think. A young nurse in the emergency room came to see me. She was very stable in rescue work and late night duty. She saw her boyfriend when she came home and forgot to throw out the takeout box. She threw three bowls on the spot. After throwing, she hugged her boyfriend and cried for half an hour. She said that she didn’t know where the anger came from. She took two scales and found that her depression and anxiety were below the critical value. It meant that she had been spinning for three consecutive months, and her ability to regulate emotions was exhausted first. There is also a boy who works in technology. When his grandmother passed away, he did not shed a single tear. Even he felt that he was "cold-blooded". Later, for more than six months, he felt no happiness, whether it was a salary increase or going out with friends. It was as if his whole body was covered with a layer of plastic film. This is actually a type of emotional dysregulation disorder - it is not that the emotions are too intense, but the emotional reactions are too blunt, which is an internalized disorder.

Regarding its causes, researchers from different directions have always had different views. The psychodynamic school believes that the root cause is that in the early upbringing process, the caregivers did not give the children enough emotional "mirrors": When I was a child, I cried in pain after falling, and the parents said, "There is nothing to cry about. Be brave."” ； When I got a perfect score in the exam, I was so happy that my parents said, "What's the point of being proud of if I do well in the exam once? I'll keep it up next time." Over time, children do not know how to deal with their emotions, just like when they are learning to ride a bicycle without anyone to support them, they simply stop holding the handlebars if they fall too much, and naturally lose control easily. The view of the cognitive behavioral school is more direct: the "emotional regulation script" in your brain has been written wrong from the beginning. The messages you have received since childhood are that "being angry is wrong" and "being sad will cause trouble to others." When you really encounter negative emotions, you will either suppress until you explode or withdraw directly. There is no buffer option in between. Neuroscience research in recent years has also given physiological explanations: In our brains, the amygdala is responsible for issuing emotional alarms, and the prefrontal cortex is responsible for rational judgment and putting the brakes on emotions. If there is long-term stress and insufficient rest, the activity of the prefrontal lobe decreases, and the amygdala cannot stop the car when the alarm is triggered. Naturally, it is easy to have uncontrolled emotions.

Don't tell me, there are actually quite a lot of differences between different schools on how to intervene. The most popular mindfulness practice currently on the market is a program recommended by many clinical consultants. It slowly improves the control ability of the prefrontal lobe through conscious awareness of emotions. However, many neuroscience researchers have objected: If you are at the critical point of an emotional explosion, forcing yourself to "aware of emotions" will amplify negative feelings. At this time, it is better to run two laps, eat a popsicle, wash your face with cold water, and use physiological stimulation to bring your attention back first. It is more effective. There is also the emotion diary method commonly used in CBT schools, which requires recording daily emotional fluctuation events, thoughts and feelings. Many visitors reported that it is indeed useful if they persist, but some people feel that writing every day is too troublesome and has become a new source of stress.

When I work on my own cases, I rarely tell clients what methods they must use to determine their death. I usually ask them to find three "instant life-saving tricks" of their own - they don't have to be fancy, they just need to be able to quickly pull you out of the emotional whirlpool. For example, I carry an old keychain with a matte texture in my pocket all year round. When I feel emotional, I touch it twice. The rough touch rubs across my palm, and half of the anger subsides. ； Xiaonan now has a bag full of orange hard candies in her pocket. When she squints her eyes in soreness, the urge to cry has passed. ； The trick the emergency nurse found for herself was to count the shared bicycles downstairs when she got emotional. By counting to the tenth bicycle, she could basically talk properly.

In fact, many people who suffer from emotional dysregulation are more sensitive than ordinary people and can more easily detect the emotional changes of people around them, but they just haven't learned how to install a suitable regulating valve for their own emotions. There is really no need to scold yourself for being weak. Just like you need to take medicine when you have a cold, wear knee pads when your knee is injured, or if you have a small problem with your emotional regulation function, just find the right way to adjust it. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Xiao Nan came for a follow-up consultation a while ago and brought me one of her orange candies. She said that her pen broke last time and her deskmate bought her a new one. The two of us are now friends.

You see, is there any emotional hurdle that can’t be overcome? Just find the right little fulcrum that can help you.