Self-adjustment in stress management includes

Cognitive reconstruction of stressors, active intervention in physiological stress response, and flexible adjustment of inherent behavioral patterns. The methods of different schools vary greatly, and the final effect is only related to the individual's fitness.

When I received EAP consultation last week, I met a young girl from an Internet operation position. She hid in the fire escape and cried every day in the week before the big promotion was launched. All she could think about was "I will be fired if the data is not done well this time." This is a typical cognitive narrowing under pressure. For this kind of cognitive-level problem, different schools of thought are completely twisted: Practitioners of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) will suggest that you break down the "absolute requirements" in your mind, such as "I must prepare big promotion data" into "I have done 3 versions of AB testing and prepared 5 sets of plans. The worst result is that the data is 10% lower than expected. Last year, the same level of activity was 12% lower and no one was optimized." Use real hammers to smash away the false fear. ； However, counselors from the mindfulness school do not agree with this "logic-breaking" method. They feel that the more you argue with negative thoughts, the easier it is to focus on the stress and sink deeper into it. It is better to directly do "cognitive detachment" - just treat "I'm going to be fucked" as a passerby's chat that floats past your ears. There is no need to answer or refute, just wait for it to drift away on its own. My own experience after trying it is that for programmers and product managers who usually use a lot of logical brains, the CBT method will be more effective. For people who are prone to internal friction and have trains running in their minds all day long, mindfulness detachment will save more energy and will not make them more tired as they debate.

Just thinking about it in your head is useless. Many times when stress comes up, your body reacts much faster than your brain. For example, if you want to report bad news to your boss, your palms will be sweaty and your throat will feel tight as soon as you walk to the office door. At this time, any psychological preparation will be slow, and direct adjustment of physiological reactions will be the fastest. Sports people will say that aerobic exercise for more than 30 minutes three times a week is the foundation for long-term resistance to stress. Several of my friends who work in investment banks are really determined to run 5 kilometers at 6 a.m. every morning. Otherwise, they would not be able to withstand the intensity of three continuous workouts a week. But not everyone loves exercise. I used to think that breathing and stress-reducing methods were metaphysics. It wasn’t until I was about to go on stage to give an industry sharing to 1,000 people last time that my heart nearly jumped out of my chest while I was waiting. I tried doing 3 rounds of 478 breathing (breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds). I was able to speak immediately without shaking, and I was convinced. There is an even wilder approach. When he is stressed, a clinical psychologist he knows will carry two 5-liter buckets of mineral water up two floors. He will tighten his muscles to the limit and then release them. Instantly, he will feel the tightness in his chest dissipate. The essence is to use the tension and relaxation cycle of skeletal muscles to quickly regulate the sympathetic nerves, which is faster than sitting and taking deep breaths. You really don’t have to pursue any fancy decompression methods. Anything that can make your body relax quickly will work.

Of course, if you always fall into the same pit, it is useless to just temporarily adjust your cognition and suppress your physiological reactions. You also have to adjust your behavioral habits. Many people are constantly stressed not because of lack of ability, but because they are unable to weld railings on the boundaries: colleagues always push work to you and are too embarrassed to refuse, and the boss always responds to messages in seconds during breaks. Over time, all the chores are piled on your head, and it would be weird if you don't explode. People in the time management school will teach you to use the four-quadrant method to classify work. What should be pushed should be postponed, but there are also anti-routine methods. I know a 4A creative director. Her method is simpler: she only schedules 3 things that must be done every day, and the remaining tasks are either pushed back or pushed directly. She said that she used to schedule 10 things every day, and she would be more anxious if she couldn't complete them. Oh, by the way, many people like to use "cathartic methods" to reduce stress, such as singing karaoke until their voices are hoarse, or going to the boxing gym to punch a sandbag. Here is a controversy in the academic circles: Many studies have shown that if you keep thinking about the people and things that make you angry when venting, it will strengthen negative memories and make you more angry. Only when venting is completely empty, for example, when punching a sandbag and just staring at the touch of the fist touching the sandbag and the feeling of the muscles exerting force, is it really effective.

In fact, when it comes to self-adjustment, the most taboo thing is to impose the method on others. I have seen some people reduce stress by copying the "Heart Sutra", and others rely on playing Lego all afternoon to relieve their emotions. There is no right or wrong. As long as you feel comfortable after using it and don't blame yourself for "how you can't even learn to reduce stress", it is a good method. After all, stress is not a scourge in the first place, and the essence of adjustment is not to eliminate stress, but to let it not stop you from living a good life.